hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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