I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
