If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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