im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My life is pants optional.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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