I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
