I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
