Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
