Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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