a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need a burrito and a hug.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
