He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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