Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Randomize
