I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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