she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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