I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
