he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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