you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Come on in and take your pants off
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