Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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