The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
