i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
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Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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