first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
