That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
