he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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