why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
