Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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