proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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