So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
