Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
