Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
