Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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