She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
