my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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