Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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