Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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