I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
