Define "chronic" masturbator.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
