did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
