I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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