I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
