I wanna bring you to show and tell
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
