I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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