We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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