She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
