Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
