You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
