My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex