evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just google imaged poop.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..