You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
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If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.