love makes seman taste better
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?