His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
