she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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