While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
time to smoke my breakfast
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
