WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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