can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have demons in me.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
