help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
