Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
