Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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