He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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