i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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