If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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