i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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