I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
