P.S. I can't hear my feet
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
