I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
