how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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